Who Am I

I was driving one time when I heard the song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns over the radio. I was immediately drawn to the song; I knew right away that it was a Christian song. It expressed the deep thoughts inside my heart, my longing for the Lord.

When it reached the chorus line, I remembered that it was sung by one of the contestants in a reality show on ABS-CBN. I hummed the melody and even sang along, to my heart’s content, with tears running down my face. I felt the Lord beside me, reassuring me that I am His.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

Vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling

And You've told me who I am

I am Yours

Lord, I am Yours…

Note: Pictures of Grace, Ruth & Pete were taken during the celebration of Linggo ng Wika at CCA.

OK Lang 'Yun

Kapatid, may problema ka ba? Mukhang hindi na maipinta ang mukha mo, ah?! Ngumiti ka naman…

Problema ba sa pera? Okey lang 'yon! Ako nga, wala nang pamasahe bukas, eh.

Pressure sa trabaho? Buti ka nga at may trabaho! Ang iba, wala!

Mayroon ka ba'ng karamdaman? Okey lang 'yon! Tutal, pisikal na katawan lamang iyan.

Ano man ang iyong dinadalang kahirapan, okey lang. Bro, matatapos din 'yan!

Ooops! Teka! Huwag mo ako'ng akusahan na ako'y mapagkunwari. Na itinatago ko lamang ang aking tunay na nararamdaman. Na sa likod ng aking pagngiti ay umiiyak ako.

Huwag mo'ng isipin na ang yabang-yabang ko. Na akala ko, ang dali-dali ng buhay kristiyano. Na hindi ako nagiging totoo sa sarili ko.

Totoo, kapatid, mayroon din ako'ng suliranin. Baka nga mas mabigat pa sa dinadala mo.

Subalit hindi ako nagkukunwari na masaya ako. Masaya talaga ako! Wala ako'ng suot na maskara na animo wala akong nararamdamang sakit. May mga tinik din akong dala-dala.
Subalit bakit hindi ako kagaya mo? Pareho lang naman tayong kristiyano?

Alam mo ba ang sikreto? Kilala ko ang aking Panginoon bilang Pastol na hindi nagpapabaya sa Kanyang mga tupa.

Marami-rami na rin akong napagdaanang pagsubok. Ngunit sa tuwina, lagi Siya'ng nasa tabi ko. Hindi Niya ako kailanman iniwanan. May mga pagkakataong akala ko ay wala na talagang pag-asa. Tapos, bigla, darating ang kasagutan Niya.

Isang kapatid nga ang minsa'y nagsabi sa akin, "Hindi pababayaan ng Panginoon ang lingkod Niya." Tumpak siya sa kanyang tinuran. Tiyak ko, siya mismo ay nakaranas rin ng katapatan ng Panginoon. Na hindi rin siya pinabayaan ng Pastol sa panahon ng mga tag-ulan sa kanyang buhay.

Kapatid, totoo ang namamalas mo'ng ngiti sa aking mga labi. Ang Panginoong Hesu-krito ang may bigay nito. At mayroon Siyang pangako sa iyo…

"Pag-iyak ay magtatagal ng magdamag ngunit galak ay dumarating sa umaga…"

Bro, tahan na! Tumayo ka na! Mag-uumaga na! O, ngiti na…

* Koinonia - Year 1998

My Personal Testimony

I was a young man, so eager to discover the world, so restless to try the new. Selfish ambitions were what was on my mind. To reach the top, be recognized, and be praised – oh, how I wished that time would come soon!

I journeyed through life. I worked hard. I sacrificed a lot. Until finally, I reached the top. I couldn’t believe it! My lifelong dream was then a reality. But… why was I still unhappy? I still felt emptiness inside. I thought, maybe what I had gotten was not enough yet. Maybe, I have to journey more. Maybe, I need to achieve more. Maybe when I get all my wants, I would be happy…

So I continued to travel, determined to get more. And fate has been kind to me. The fruit of my efforts were satisfactory. I should have been very happy by then, you would say. But I was still not. I was not yet satisfied. Again I thought, I probably don’t have enough yet. I travelled here and there… until I got tired. I stopped travelling. I paused and sat in one corner for awhile. Confused. Weeping. Asking.

When I thought I already had everything a man would want, then I realized that I am nothing. I am nothing in the eyes of God. When I thought I am already good enough, then I realized how wretched I am. I have disappointed Him. I have neglected Him. I have crucified Him…

Christ is so unique. He used the journey that I had to make me realize what I really needed. What I really yearned for all these years. What He really wanted me to become. He used the search that I engaged into for me to meet the people who would touch my being, who would enlighten my spirit… who would pray for my salvation.

Glory to God for He let His light shine upon me. He renewed me. He changed me. He cleansed my conscience, my thoughts and my desires. He led me to the face of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ.

Wealth, achievements, and recognition – I don’t aim for those things anymore. I am now aiming for my salvation. I am working now for Him. I am living now to serve Him.

I praise God for He has put my journey to an end. I have to journey back now. I have to pick-up the pieces. I have to be new so that when you, who used to be my companions in the uncertain journey, meet me again, you won’t ask me, “How’s your life now?” You won’t need to ask me about my life for you will see how God is working in me, how He is controlling my life… how happy I am for walking with Him.

My friends, I won’t ask you to stop dreaming, to stop aiming for success. Let His will be done. I know that God would use that journey of yours to enlighten your spirits just as He enlightened mine. He will let you taste success. He will let you travel with the world. He knows that in due time, you’ll come back to Him. You will realize that everything that you tried to get are all temporary. You will regret that you did not pay attention to my story… to my experience with my journey.

When our roads meet again someday, I pray that I would see you having that inner peace which I am having right now. I hope to hear you saying, “You were right. Jesus Christ is the only one I needed.” I hope and I pray that your awakening will come soon, for He is coming SOON! It might be too late then for you to repent.

My journey through life has ended. And it ended great. My journey through repentance and salvation has just begun. I hope to meet you in my new journey…

* Prime Journal - December 1990 and Koinonia - March 1991

Such Sweet Names

I just learned that the word “pedo” is a Spanish slang which means “fart”. Ooopps! That’s not a nice name! But “Pedo” is my nickname in high school, given by my barkadas then. I like the sound of it. Pinoy na pinoy.

But I have other names. At home, my family and some close relatives call me “Toto”, a visayan nickname for little boys. Pero pag galit na ang Nanay ko, she calls me “Junior!”.

When I was young, my playmates call me “Unyo” (started by my cousin Belen), “Unyot” (coined by my friend, Regen) and “Hunio” (invented by Aling Lily, one of our neighbors then. Saan na kaya sila ngayon?). These are all variations of “Junior”.

When I became a teenager, I was known as “Jun” in our neighborhood. When I entered college, I started introducing myself as “Willie”, kasi binata na nga ako. Hanggang ngayon, iyon na ang tawag sa akin.

Even now that I am working, that’s how they call me. “Willie” became “Kuya Willie” nung tumagal kasi mas matanda na ako sa mga katrabaho ko. Now, they call me “Sir Willie” since I got promoted. Naks! (But it was Lord’s hand who made it possible. I’ll share it in my future posts.)

When I leave for work in the morning, and when I go home from work in the afternoon, I hear lots of kids call me “Kuya Willie! Kuya Willie!”. Kids playing on the streets would greet me, “Hi, Kuya Willie” or “Bye, Kuya Willie”. Madalas din, the kids would shout my name from their houses - from their living room or from their windows. I can’t see them at times, basta I hear them call my name. Dyahi tuloy kasi naririnig ng iba. (But I love these kids. They are my “little friends”, who eventually became friends of my kids.)

The name I love most is how my three kids call me - “Tatay”. My wife and I agreed that we shall ask our kids to address us as “Nanay” and “Tatay”. It sounds so endearing. Malambing siya pakinggan. Our friends can’t help but smile when they learn that that is how our children call us.

One time, my second child was asked by her teacher how she calls her mother. Ruth answered, “Nanay”. During one of the programs in their school, I was approached by one of Ruth’s classmates and she asked, “Ano po ang tawag sa inyo ni Eunice (that’s how she is called in school)?” I said, “Tatay”. Her eyes widened and said “Ah… ok… ”. She just needed to confirm it. Natawa kami ng asawa ko.

But nothing is sweeter than how my Father in Heaven calls me – “Son”.

"You are my Son ; today I have become your Father." - Psalm 2:7

And nothing and no one can change that.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38,39

Amen.

Nothing Good Lives In Me

Looking within one self and seeing the good within it - this is not something I believe in. The Bible speaks a different truth:

"For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but I cannot carry it out." - Romans 7:8

"All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” - Roman 3:12

We have no power to change ourselves, much more our country. Only God can, if we allow Him to.

If It Is The Lord's Will

We often make plans for ourselves, for our families and even for our careers, as if we have the absolute power to make it happen. Let us consider what James 4:13-15 says on this:

“(You say) Today or tomorrow, we will go to this city or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money। Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’”

We ought to acknowledge that it is God who has control and sovereignty over our plans and our lives. We do this by giving Him praise when our plans are realized and in believing that He has a greater idea when the situation is otherwise.

Should we still make plans? Of course, we should! But let us include Him in our plans. Then be at rest that whatever happens, everything is well and good, because God is in control.

* Binhing Rizal - June 2008

Anak

Marahil, minsan ay nakikita mo akong nangingiti habang minamasdan kita. Natutuwa lang kasi ako dahil ako ay isa na palang ama. Parang kailan lang, umiihi pa ako sa banig. Ngayon, heto ka na, kumot mo naman ngayon ang aking nilalabhan dahil ikaw naman ang umiihi sa ating papag.

Minsan naman, hindi mo namamalayan kapag umiiyak ako sa gabi habang tinitingnan ko ang mukha mo. Nagpapasalamat kasi ako sa Panginoon dahil ipagkatiwala ka Niya sa akin. Minarapat niya akong maging karapat-dapat upang magpalaki ng isa sa kanyang nilikha. Ikaw iyon, anak.

Alam mo, maraming itinuturo sa akin ang aking Ama sa langit sa pamamagitan mo. Hayaan mong isa-isahin ko ang mga ito sa iyo.

Hindi ba tinuruan kitang tumayo sa palad ko nang hindi humahawak sa aking ulo.? Sa halip, sinasabi ko sa iyo na humawak ka sa tenga o sa ilong mo. At sinusunod mo naman ako. Tapos, babalansehin kita sa kamay ko. Hindi ka natatakot. Lubos ang tiwala mo sa akin. Alam mong hindi kita hahayaang mahulog. Kasi mahal na mahal kita. Katulad ng pagtingin ng Panginoon sa akin. Ang sabi Niya, “Subalit wala kahit isang mayang nahuhulog sa lupa nang hindi namamalayan ng inyong ama (Mateo 10:29b).” Kaya’t hindi rin ako dapat matakot sa anumang pagsubok. Nariyan lagi ang Panginoon upang sumalo sa akin.

Sa tuwing may kukuha sa iyo habang karga-karga kita, umaatungal ka. Tinatawag mo ako upang bawiin kita sa kanya. Kasi hindi mo sila kilala. Kakaiba sa iyo ang amoy nila. Kapag nasa dibdib kita, payapa ka. Nakakatulog ka pa. Kasi nga, tatay mo ako. Alam mong ligtas ka sa piling ko. Katulad ng pagtingin ko sa Panginoon. Payapa ako sa init ng pakpak niya. Kaya niyang payapain ang aking isipan at patahanin kung ako man ay may dinaramdam. Kaya nga ba’t ayokong mawalay sa Kanya ni saglit man.

Minsan, mayroon kang gusto kang kainin o bagay na gustong paglaruan. Na ipinagkakait ko sa iyo. Tapos, iiyakan mo ako ng pagkalakas-lakas. Na para bang mamamatay ka kapag hindi mo ito nakamtan o nahawakan man lamang. Hindi mo lang alam na hindi iyon makabubuti sa iyo kaya hindi kita pinagbibigyan. Natatawa nga ako minsan kasi nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa iyo. May mga bagay kasi na hindi pinapayagan o minsan ay binabawi Niya sa buhay ko. Na ikinalulungkot ko. Siguro sabi ng Panginoon, “Anak naman, maliit na bagay lamang iyan. Hindi iyan ang plano ko sa iyo. May mas malaking bagay akong inilalaan.”

Kapag may ginawa kang bagay na ipinagbabawal namin, alam mo bang minsan ay gusto kong umiyak habang pinapalo kita. Kasi masakit para sa akin na makita kang gumagawa ng masama. Hindi ko na alam minsan kung paano ipauunawa sa iyo ang dapat at hindi dapat. Nagtatampo ka pa minsan. “May pagkukulang ba ako sa iyo?”, ang tanong ko sa aking sarili. Maaari, iyon din ang tanong ng Panginoon kapag nagkakamali ako. Alam ko na nasasaktan din siya sa mga mali kong gawi. Nararamdaman ko kung paano madurog ang puso ng isang Ama sa kasalanang ginagawa ng kanyang mga anak, ang tao. Pero ganoon pa man, handa pa rin siyang magpatawad at magbigay ng kung ilang ulit na pangalawang pagkakataon. Kaya’t niyayakap din kita para iparamdam sa iyo na mahal pa rin kita sa kabila ng kasalanang ginawa mo.

Mayroon akong nakilalang isang tatay noon na sumulat sa kanyang hindi pa naisisilang na anak ng ganito: “Kung maaari lamamg akong pagbigyan ng Diyos, hihilingin ko na huwag ka nang iluwal ng nanay mo. Kasi, mahirap ang mabuhay sa mundo. Malupit ang mga tao. Ayokong danasin mo ang mga ito.” Anak, totoo ang binabanggit ng sumulat. Pero maaaring nakalimutan niya na mayroon tayong Panginoon na sa tuwina’y nasa ating tabi. Ang mga mumunti mong halakhak ang nagsasabi nito. Napakasimple ng buhay mo. Ang sabi ng Panginoon, gayahin raw namin ang mga batang kagaya mo. Sige nga, anak, magkilitian tayo.

Anak, maaaring hindi mo pa lubos na nauunawaan ang mga bagay-bagay na binabanggit ko . Pero tanggapin mo ang aking pasasalamat. Sa pagbibigay mo sa akin ng pagkakataon upang lalong maunawaan ang damdamin ng ating Ama para sa kanyang pinakamamahal na anak. Hayaan mo at gagawin namin ng iyong nanay ang lahat upang maipadama din sa iyo ang uri ng pagmamahal na ibinibigay sa amin ng Panginoon. Umasa ka anak.

Higit sa lahat, nagpapasalamat ako sa Panginoon dahil naging bahagi kayo ng aking buhay. Anak, ipinapanalangin ko na mapalaki naming kayo ng may takot at pagmamahal sa Kanya. Bukod doon, wala na akong ibang hihilingin pa.

Tatay

* Koinonia - Year 2000